Switzerland - Don't Waste Your Days

It was a chocolate-cheese-filled trip! Switzerland is beautiful! It is lush and has breathtaking views. Surrounded by bridges and rivers, Bern is a very romantic city. The cottages with smoke rising from the little chimneys gave me a burning desire to cozy up.
We saw bear caves, markets, the glockenspiel, government buildings, and churches with detailed pictures of heaven and hell. Statues that symbolized truth and lies. The cheese factory was delicious and entertaining. Every curve, every hill had so much personality and history. I learned about the Legend of William Tell shooting the apple off his sons head for freedom, only to be arrested again for having a second arrow to kill Gessler if Tell had accidentally killed his son. Later Tell escaped from the boat and rebelling by shooting Gessler and symbolizing the Swiss Confederation. It was a fulfilling day and I am glad I went.
The drive home was exactly what I needed! Is it weird that I LOVE traveling at nighttime? Music on shuffle with a chill mix of acoustic, country, ballads, breakup songs, and oldies. Stars peeking through the thunder clouds as it rains. The moon needs to be bold. My mind busy. When everything is just right, I am perfectly happy. The world is as it should be. Everything seems to makes sense. Rights itself again. This calm falls over me. I get overwhelmed with all the amazing people in my life and all the opportunities I am blessed with. I can't tell you the last time was happier...Yes, last Christmas...I thought about that last night. It was Christmas Eve and I was opening my last present from my family when I started to cry...that was the last time I was this happy :)

Do you ever think about someone and get this feeling they are thinking about you at the exact same time?

Songs from my perfect night drive:
"Another Door Closes" Jont
"Hallelujah" Brandi Carlile
"My Heart With You" The Rescues
"Giving Up" Ingrid Michaelson
"Have You Ever Seen The Rain" CCR
"Don't Think Twice It's Alright" Ted Lennon & Brett Dennen
"When You Come Back Down" Nickle Creek

Stick or Stuck

YouKnowWhoYouAre,
Sometimes our choices are not clear. A cross road comes and you think, "Which direction? What is right?" You can't see the future from either path, so you wait for a gust of wind to blow in a specific direction or some other insignificant sign from a higher spiritual presence. It won't come. Not in situations like yours unfortunately. You already know that though.

Tangled decisions are never black and white: Letting someone go. Buying a mortgage. Getting rid of old junk. Trusting someone completely. Marriage. Divorce. Flying to Germany for a year. Euthanasia. Graduating. The list goes on...

The point is, make ONE decision and stick to it or you'll get stuck! At some point everyone becomes unhappy, unfulfilled, or searches for change. People have an innate desire for more. Find different.

Whatever choices are made, own them.

Here you go girlfriend, these are dedicated to you! I love you.
"1 2 3 4" Plain White T's
"Halfway Gone" Lifehouse
"Bad Romance" Lady GaGa

Randoms:
1. Lately I have been enjoying keeping posted on world news. Health care. Tragedies. Obama haters and lovers. Oh how I dislike politics. The older I get the more I enjoy reading about them just for my own personal humor. People can be sticky assholes sometimes. Play with that one for a while, lol. Seriously, who the hell cares about what pictures Meghan McCain's daughter is posting on her twitter or not! Her life, her boobs, her twitter.
2. I just told Sofia to wipe her ear wax on her pants - OOops.
3. Pigs do jungle around in their feces.
4. FML's crack my shit up some days, others they suck and people should never post.
5. Mileage Plus programs are pretty kick ass if you take the time to find all the details.
6. "You say sorry to the book for coloring on him, that's hurts his feelings!" "Where is he?"

This Is It

My banana bread yesterday was freakin' delicious. I had a kick ass night workout. Watched a lot of episodes of The Office. Congratulated E&D on their Engagement. I am so excited for them. It is going to be an EPIC party that nobody will forget. FOUR weddings this summer, GOOD TIMES! I have so much to look forward to and so much to appreciate. Love my friends and family!

I got to catch up with G-Funky-Fresh and Whit-Tit this morning and it took me back to good times! Song: "Stronger" by Kanye West. Daniel and I get to look into a camper for the next football season! Who knows, maybe I can make it back for our bowl game!!! WOOT!

Today is going to be a random day. I feel like some freaky Zumba. Maybe Crafty McCrafterson will come and play :) Sofia is super sick so no Tonka Monster or Big Tall Sam Basketball, but we'll conjure up something good.

I saw the Michael Jackson tribute and LOVED IT! I think I'll be dancing to his music for the next month and a half. It was going to be such an awesome show in London. I am bummed for the people involved because they didn't get the performances, but the time, money, and effort did not go unnoticed with this movie.

Recycling my favorite quotes:

"Ordinary life bypassed me, but I also bypassed it. It couldn't have been any other way. Conventional life and conventional people are not for me." -O'Brien, Edna

"Most people quit on each other, but we didn't..." - Arthur Laurents

"No matter where you go, there you are."

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

"If you don't try anything, you can't fail! It takes backbone to live the life you want." - RR

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing..."

"When Reb Zusye went to heaven, God didn't ask him why, in his life on earth, Zusye wasn't Moses, but why he wasn't even Zusye."

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. EXPLORE! DREAM! DISCOVER!"

"Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. Time to get up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time."

"Say exactly what you mean; be more real than you have ever dared to be; be nothing more and nothing less than who you actually are."

"It is easy to be brave from a safe distance." Aesop

"Love is a strong word, easy to spell, difficult to define, impossible to live without." - Unknown

"We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction."

"Some days...the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again."

"Don’t wonder why people go crazy—wonder why they don’t. In the face of all we can lose in a day, in an instant. Wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together.” Grey’s

"I love you more today than I did yesterday, but less than I will tomorrow"

Hope: You can make your way back from anything

"If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow." William McFee

"If you have embarrassed yourself and are going to laugh about it someday, you might as well start today"

“Those who live are those who fight” – Victor Hugo

"Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand"

Songs Today:

"Billy Jean" Michael Jackson

"Sex on Fire" Kings of Leon

"Down" Jay Sean

"Russian Roulette" Rhianna

Out On A Limb

Today I am going to step out on a limb and give myself a little fucking credit. I am going to gloat because I can. Because I deserve a little bit more credit than I am giving myself. Because I am kind of a bad ass!

It is not easy to travel across the world. Yes, this was my choice, but it was also a huge risk, more than a lot of people are willing to take. For that, I am stronger than I was last year. It takes a lot of balls to walk away from your comfort, let strangers in, learn a new culture, and travel Europe. But I did it. Parts of it I loved and parts of it I hated.

That love/hate relationship has caused me to fulfill and break some promises to myself this year. I have learned from my mistakes. I am trying to recover and find a neutral ground. No longer will I apologize for my tears, my fears, or fighting for something better. I am human. There are good days and bad days. Nothing and nobody is perfect.

When I walk out on a limb I am always afraid. No matter the outcome, all risks are worth taking. Sometimes we take risks with other people, sometimes we need to take risks by ourselves, but either way it helps build character, respect, curiosity, understanding, and a wild imagination.

Today I stop feeling sorry. Today I am understanding. Today I get to start over. Today I realize that instead of building walls again, I am going to completely break them down. If people don't like what they see and they can't handle being in my life, then I am going to be better off when they walk away. I am a good person. I wear my heart on my sleeve because I believe everyone should. People are more honest when they let go. Honesty is just one secret to living a great life.

My life is a GREAT life! I am going to LIVE IT until I am old and brittle. I'll probably sky dive when I am 60 and dance until I can't move my legs. I'll create my own amazing race and challenge my friends when we are 40. We'll take 2 weeks save up $7592 and meet each other all over the world. I will find new things with or without help. I will always give even when I have nothing left.

I'm feeling confident today. I am ready. Ready to take on this world. This chapter has so many good parts, and climaxes coming soon, but this year is not over yet. I am appreciating my time over here. When I come home I will find my way, I will take care of business, and I will cherish my time with my family and friends.

Sometimes we just have to kick our own asses. Sometimes people, friends, family or even strangers will kick it for you, but you can never depend on that. When you're 6000 miles away from home you really cannot depend on anyone but yourself.

I am going to clean and dance my ass off while I do it! I love you all and I am blessed to have you all in my life xoxo
Songs for the day:
"Let It All Hang Out" Weezer
"Crazy Days" Adam Gregory

Roller Coaster Morning

Thank God for best friends! You mean the world to me Kels, thank you a million times over. I feel like I was just hit by a brick and fell on my ass in the middle of a crowded plaza. I also feel like I could touch the stars and do a congratulations dance all day long. I have laughed and cried. Good news!!!!

I am embarrassed today for a lot of reasons. Unnecessary effort. You ever feel like a burden? It reminds me to put myself in other peoples shoes. It always looks so different. All I am doing is fighting my tears right now. It's pretty weak and pretty pathetic...

If I could be anywhere in the world right now, I would be with Erin and Daniel. I miss them so much right now and I just want to share special time with them. I was dancing and crying all at the same time. Haha. Nobody knows what I would give to have a few beers, watch Arrested Development, and eat enchiladas and oatmeal cake with them...

I LOVE YOU BOTH SO MUCH! xoxoxoxo

What a messy day :( Patience is a real bitch sometimes! You know when you have something really important to say, and after a lot of processing, you finally say it out loud and it starts to become real?? At first you just couldn't say it, and then you did, and you liked how real it had become only to realize you were really saying...Nothing.

I am going to count my blessings. Sending positive thoughts in a lot of directions today. Love you. Miss you.

Highs and Lows

The weekend had its highs and lows. I am lethargic and apathetic due to a minor hangover and an ominous cloud.

Highs:
I had a blast meeting Matilda's amazing family for dinner on Friday. I can see where her strength and sweetness comes from. Knowing she would be sad when they left I decided it would be best if we went out for Halloween! We found the Markthalle, which was the perfect dance club for us, took me back to CJ's memories :)

Great workout on Friday. I am slowly pushing my mentality to limits when it comes to running, but it has been hard since it's getting cold and I don't have as much freedom. I cannot wait to have my very own place and my own routine so that I can buy food I want to eat and workout when/how I want to. By no means is it difficult, just inconsistent with this job because of the energy of the kids. One day my energy is down when theirs is up and visa verse.

Catching up with Rachel and my family was really nice. I miss my family and friends a lot right now. Recent events have brought to light how important every day is with the people you care about.

Lows:
I broke. It's interesting how you don't realize until you break what you were holding back. For the past few weeks I would always start this one sentence out the same way. Every conversation began like the one before. It was my wall. It built and built until I talked to my dad on Saturday. Time was put into perspective. Time is complicated, it's precious and dissonant. It seems that we never have enough or we have too much time. Time to think, listen, experience, love, laugh, succeed...

Time can be for you or against you. If you aren't ready, get ready. If you pause, prepare to miss out. You'll never be one step ahead of it so never expect anything. It changes everything and you can't go back. You don't get to rewind and you definitely don't get to delete.

Is it possible that some things never change?

Have you ever stopped crying, but you could still feel the tear falling down your cheek? You just kind of stare at nothing for a while until you brush it away. Then you move on. I want to send special prayers home to my family. We have been through a lot and everything is going to be okay.

This is my song.

I love you,
T